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6 Signs of A Toxic Relationship

signs of a toxic-relationship

Do you think, you are in a toxic relationship? Actually, I have been giving online counseling for many years now. During the course of my interaction, I have noticed an extreme level of depression among the members of the LGBTQ community. Therefore, talking about that issue became so important to me. In my quest, I lent an ear to the people that I meet through these sessions. On this article I am going to highlight few red flags that are the signs of a toxic relationship. 

Based on my study and hands-on experience of working with the community members, I have noticed I can offer my absolute non-judgmental listening and my compassion. As a result, I learn about an aspect of LGBTQ relationships. These are some of the signs of a toxic relationship that queer people should be wary of when entering a relationship.

1. Is your partner looking for someone of opposite sex?

Ans. Nobody wants to live in a hostile environment with the vulnerable minority. It’s evolutionary to seek “safety in numbers”. We understand your need for a devoted and faithful partner, though, you can’t have that “dream partner” when you are just an “experience” for them! In order to fit-into the society if your partner is looking for someone of the opposite sex then you are just a disposable item for them.

2. Is your partner already in a steady relationship?

Ans. I have noticed many married people are scouting online for that particular kind of “experience”. They start scouting especially when their initial glittering coating of “blissful married life” is worn-out from their marriages. Though you will be just an experience for them, still they would never be honest enough to admit their true intention to you. As a mater of fact, when you enter a relationship with these kinds of people, they would expect utmost love, attention, intimacy, faithfulness from you. In return, they are never going to give any of these to you.

Now, if you are in such a relationship where your partner is already in a steady relationship then definitely they are not going to sacrifice their social security for you. It may sound brutal, but these kinds of people would only enjoy your ‘offerings’ for them without making little to no effort. Under such circumstances, once that ‘honeymoon period’ is over you are not going to gain anything out of that relationship except pain. I’d say you’re destined for misery when you’re in an extra-marital relationship with someone who wants the ‘best of both worlds’! 

3. Do they easily blend into society without any second thought about you?

Ans. Your partner may fulfill all the conditions of the society to be seen as “normal”, and perhaps you do not enjoy the same social status. I have seen many queer people treating their closeted partners like sidekicks, while their partners are maintaining that relationship faithfully yet secretly. These kinds of people generally prefer to hide their partners in public as if their orientation is tattooed on their forehead.

4. Is your partner after a threesome fantasy?

Ans. On many occasions, men and women worldwide join online sites to fulfill threesome fantasies for a partner they are committed to. Those with some degree of maturity will make their intentions clear, and won’t disturb unwilling people unnecessarily. However, there are a few young heterosexual couple as well who don’t mention things on purpose.

I can remember one particular incident where a queer woman I know narrowly escaped a situation like this. It was sheer luck and presence of mind. She was lured by a woman at her flat. After arriving at the spot she realized she had been trapped and isolated, and there were two people waiting for her. Not something she agreed to. However, she managed to escape the bedroom and locked herself inside the bathroom. She could not call the police because the perpetrators threatened her to expose her sexual orientation at a time when Section 377 was still in effect. So, she called her friends and they came at once to rescue her. Watch out for such red flags!

5. Is your partner over cautious about their social image?

Ans. Is your partner not even ready to introduce you to his friends as a partner as if your sexual orientation is written all over on your face?

When a person doesn’t want to be seen with tomboys, butches, or femme men, watch out. They want to maintain dual slates; one for themselves and another for society. The second one is as ‘clean’ as the autumn sky.

Generally, they want to hide their sexual orientation, so desperately, that they become extremely paranoid. I am sure nobody would like to be treated as a ‘forbidden activity’. You don’t want to be with someone who is basically ashamed of your presence.

Start respecting yourself first and stay away from all those kinds of people who are causing you harm. Living alone is a far better choice than living in an abusive relationship and emotional abuse can be equally unbearable. 

6. Do you think they won't choose you over their family and society?

Ans. If any of the above-mentioned points are applicable to your relationship, then no matter how hard you try your partner will always play to the whims of their family and society. A person once clearly said to someone else, “As long as it’s about a physical relationship, I am okay with you. But whenever it comes to spending life together, then definitely I will settle with someone who is ‘normal’ like me. I want a ‘normal’ life.” These kinds of people would never choose you over society and family. Therefore, never ever get into such a relationship where you will never get treated with dignity.

These are the clear toxic signs of a relationship that not only applicable to the queer society rather everyone should be wary of. These issues needed to be addressed at the beginning. We have been giving online counseling to members of the LGBTQ community since February 2019. So far we have gathered many such mind-numbing stories of suffering and we will be sharing those stories on this platform along with relationship hacks. Apart from that, we will also give you much-needed opportunities for freelancing with our another platform Remote Owls

Our sincere request to you if you can relate to these toxic signs of a relationship topic then please like, share, and comment on the blog. Also, participate in our programs and also refer the platform to others. Let us make this initiative a great success. Always remember TOGETHER WE GATHER MORE!

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What Are The Differences Between Romance and Relationship?

Romance and Relationship

The magic phrase ‘romantic relationship’ is quite popular, but I feel that the two notions are two different phenomena. Now imagine, like an expert Sushi chef, if you take the tiniest slice out of a huge chunk of a ‘romantic relationship’, then you should get an exact quantity of ‘romance’. So the question is – what’s the difference between ‘meaningful romance’ and ‘meaningful relationship’? 

Well, you can share that tiny piece of romance with many (however, eventually the entire chunk would be finished in that process, at least logic says so). On the contrary, if you plan to maintain a ‘meaningful relationship’ then you should share that entire chunk with one person only. I know that the entire introduction was quite confusing, but I hope the rest of this blog will be able to clear my point.

Before I continue, I would like to mention that this piece is my personal opinion, on the basis of my observation and that this is not a thesis. Any person can go through all these experiences irrespective of their age, race, sex, gender, sexuality, ethnicity, etc. I am writing on the basis of my personal experiences; experiences, I have accumulated as a real living and breathing human being in the course of my social studies and later with hands on experience.  

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion and they may feel “a person can have multiple meaningful romantic relationships with multiple partners”, and that doesn’t necessarily make one ‘romance-phobic’. This article is about those confused people who often ask themselves ‘is that a relationship or not’? Here are 7 signs that you are in a ‘meaningful romance’ and not in a ‘meaningful relationship’

You Both Are Not On The Same Page Of Life:

I am not talking about the ‘pace’, here I am talking about ‘page’. Professionally, you might both be polar opposites; one of you may be more successful than the other; but, what about your personal lives? 

To be more precise, say one partner is running from pillar to post all alone to arrange money and other necessary resources in order to fix a personal crisis (e.g health). Meanwhile, the other partner is enjoying life with family and friends. Although that person is sending romantic texts frequently (probably out of guilt or just as a formality), would you call it a ‘meaningful relationship’?

Popular media always trying hard to feed us a myth and that is “opposite attracts each other”; whereas, the truth is “opposite never attracts each other”! For instance, if both of you fundamentally lives pole apart then nothing on this planet can bring you closer.

Under such circumstances, you should never indulge in such hallucinations; because, despite your best effort believe me, it is definitely a ‘meaningful romance’, since ‘meaningful relation’ implies ‘in sickness and in health’.

You Are Only Remembered Seasonally:

Yes, it’s another vital red flag. Never ignore the scenario when your partner only remembers you seasonally. It could be birthday, Valentine’s Day, anniversary (e.g. anniversary of your first meeting, the first hug, the first kiss, the first time you made love, etc.). On these occasions, both of you would see each other, exchange gifts, shower lots of affection and attention for some time, and once the season is over, you would find yourself all alone in your own world, and your partners would be busy in their lives. Well, if you are experiencing something like that then you are in a ‘meaningful romance’ since a ‘meaningful relationship’ is not a celebration of seasonal festivities.

You Are Not Prioritized:

I can remember one man who went to Sikkim to see the mesmerizing orchids blooming, while his wife was giving birth to their only child. Now, that man had two choices but he made the decision according to his priorities. I know, that was a slightly cruel example. However, think practically, as human beings, we have very limited abilities, we just can’t be at two places at the same time. Therefore, you should observe whether you get first priority in your partner’s life.

Does your partner manage to spend time with you on some ‘not so special occasions’ or does his or her schedule get in the way?

Basically, it’s very important to know how much you mean to your partner. If you are prioritized only according to your partner’s convenience then you are definitely in a ‘meaningful romance’, since a ‘meaningful relationship’ is never about one’s own convenience.

You Are Not 'Fulfilling' The Basic Conditions:

Yes! When your love is not unconditional then it’s romance. A common condition that I have heard is –“I love traveling and I am looking for someone who would travel with me”. It may sound weird but it’s true. However, my question is – “Would you choose your partner on the basis of ‘common hobbies’ or on the basis of ‘common values’?” Therefore, if you are listening to the same complaint constantly, that you could not fulfill the basic conditions, then you are in a ‘meaningful romance’.

You Prefer To Avoid Your Partner:

You are lonely, but despite that loneliness, you prefer avoiding your partner; because, in your life, now your partner’s presence is nothing but empty noise. You don’t enjoy his or her company the way you used to. Somehow you have realized you are nothing but an accessory for your partner. At that position, you can assure yourself that you are in a ‘meaningful romance’ and not in a ‘meaningful relationship’.

You Have Stopped Fighting For The Relationship:

We don’t fight to break our relationships, in fact, often we fight to save them. We shout because we want to be heard, we crave for minimum attention. However, when you stop fighting and slowly start praying for a ‘natural end’ to that relationship then finally, congratulations! This time you were in a ‘meaningful romance’ and not in a ‘meaningful relationship’. You have reached that point where you are desperately seeking an ‘amicable evaporation’ of the entire façade. Perhaps you are taking one of the most sensible decisions of your life and trust me, that decision would leave a very positive impact on your life.

I don’t know whether I missed something or not? I would love to hear your opinions too. If you feel you can relate to that article to some extent then I would recommend please like, comment, and share that article. Smiling Rainbow platform belongs to the LGBTQ community and my sincere urge to all of you please endorse the platform and give your valuable suggestions. 

We consider economical independence as an important target that every member of our community should achieve. Therefore, we are in the process of launching to another platform as Remote Owls. The purpose of that platform is creating freelancing opportunities for our community members. We will keep you posted regarding the progress of these two platforms.