Do you think, you are in a toxic relationship? Actually, I have been giving online counseling for many years now. During the course of my interaction, I have noticed an extreme level of depression among the members of the LGBTQ community. Therefore, talking about that issue became so important to me. In my quest, I lent an ear to the people that I meet through these sessions. On this article I am going to highlight few red flags that are the signs of a toxic relationship.
Based on my study and hands-on experience of working with the community members, I have noticed I can offer my absolute non-judgmental listening and my compassion. As a result, I learn about an aspect of LGBTQ relationships. These are some of the signs of a toxic relationship that queer people should be wary of when entering a relationship.
1. Is your partner looking for someone of opposite sex?
Ans. Nobody wants to live in a hostile environment with the vulnerable minority. It’s evolutionary to seek “safety in numbers”. We understand your need for a devoted and faithful partner, though, you can’t have that “dream partner” when you are just an “experience” for them! In order to fit-into the society if your partner is looking for someone of the opposite sex then you are just a disposable item for them.
2. Is your partner already in a steady relationship?
Ans. I have noticed many married people are scouting online for that particular kind of “experience”. They start scouting especially when their initial glittering coating of “blissful married life” is worn-out from their marriages. Though you will be just an experience for them, still they would never be honest enough to admit their true intention to you. As a mater of fact, when you enter a relationship with these kinds of people, they would expect utmost love, attention, intimacy, faithfulness from you. In return, they are never going to give any of these to you.
Now, if you are in such a relationship where your partner is already in a steady relationship then definitely they are not going to sacrifice their social security for you. It may sound brutal, but these kinds of people would only enjoy your ‘offerings’ for them without making little to no effort. Under such circumstances, once that ‘honeymoon period’ is over you are not going to gain anything out of that relationship except pain. I’d say you’re destined for misery when you’re in an extra-marital relationship with someone who wants the ‘best of both worlds’!
3. Do they easily blend into society without any second thought about you?
Ans. Your partner may fulfill all the conditions of the society to be seen as “normal”, and perhaps you do not enjoy the same social status. I have seen many queer people treating their closeted partners like sidekicks, while their partners are maintaining that relationship faithfully yet secretly. These kinds of people generally prefer to hide their partners in public as if their orientation is tattooed on their forehead.
4. Is your partner after a threesome fantasy?
Ans. On many occasions, men and women worldwide join online sites to fulfill threesome fantasies for a partner they are committed to. Those with some degree of maturity will make their intentions clear, and won’t disturb unwilling people unnecessarily. However, there are a few young heterosexual couple as well who don’t mention things on purpose.
I can remember one particular incident where a queer woman I know narrowly escaped a situation like this. It was sheer luck and presence of mind. She was lured by a woman at her flat. After arriving at the spot she realized she had been trapped and isolated, and there were two people waiting for her. Not something she agreed to. However, she managed to escape the bedroom and locked herself inside the bathroom. She could not call the police because the perpetrators threatened her to expose her sexual orientation at a time when Section 377 was still in effect. So, she called her friends and they came at once to rescue her. Watch out for such red flags!
5. Is your partner over cautious about their social image?
Ans. Is your partner not even ready to introduce you to his friends as a partner as if your sexual orientation is written all over on your face?
When a person doesn’t want to be seen with tomboys, butches, or femme men, watch out. They want to maintain dual slates; one for themselves and another for society. The second one is as ‘clean’ as the autumn sky.
Generally, they want to hide their sexual orientation, so desperately, that they become extremely paranoid. I am sure nobody would like to be treated as a ‘forbidden activity’. You don’t want to be with someone who is basically ashamed of your presence.
Start respecting yourself first and stay away from all those kinds of people who are causing you harm. Living alone is a far better choice than living in an abusive relationship and emotional abuse can be equally unbearable.
6. Do you think they won't choose you over their family and society?
Ans. If any of the above-mentioned points are applicable to your relationship, then no matter how hard you try your partner will always play to the whims of their family and society. A person once clearly said to someone else, “As long as it’s about a physical relationship, I am okay with you. But whenever it comes to spending life together, then definitely I will settle with someone who is ‘normal’ like me. I want a ‘normal’ life.” These kinds of people would never choose you over society and family. Therefore, never ever get into such a relationship where you will never get treated with dignity.
These are the clear toxic signs of a relationship that not only applicable to the queer society rather everyone should be wary of. These issues needed to be addressed at the beginning. We have been giving online counseling to members of the LGBTQ community since February 2019. So far we have gathered many such mind-numbing stories of suffering and we will be sharing those stories on this platform along with relationship hacks. Apart from that, we will also give you much-needed opportunities for freelancing with our another platform Remote Owls.
Our sincere request to you if you can relate to these toxic signs of a relationship topic then please like, share, and comment on the blog. Also, participate in our programs and also refer the platform to others. Let us make this initiative a great success. Always remember TOGETHER WE GATHER MORE!
