Category: Meetup

To promote LGBTQ meetup around the world.

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What Are The Differences Between Romance and Relationship?

Romance and Relationship

The magic phrase ‘romantic relationship’ is quite popular, but I feel that the two notions are two different phenomena. Now imagine, like an expert Sushi chef, if you take the tiniest slice out of a huge chunk of a ‘romantic relationship’, then you should get an exact quantity of ‘romance’. So the question is – what’s the difference between ‘meaningful romance’ and ‘meaningful relationship’? 

Well, you can share that tiny piece of romance with many (however, eventually the entire chunk would be finished in that process, at least logic says so). On the contrary, if you plan to maintain a ‘meaningful relationship’ then you should share that entire chunk with one person only. I know that the entire introduction was quite confusing, but I hope the rest of this blog will be able to clear my point.

Before I continue, I would like to mention that this piece is my personal opinion, on the basis of my observation and that this is not a thesis. Any person can go through all these experiences irrespective of their age, race, sex, gender, sexuality, ethnicity, etc. I am writing on the basis of my personal experiences; experiences, I have accumulated as a real living and breathing human being in the course of my social studies and later with hands on experience.  

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion and they may feel “a person can have multiple meaningful romantic relationships with multiple partners”, and that doesn’t necessarily make one ‘romance-phobic’. This article is about those confused people who often ask themselves ‘is that a relationship or not’? Here are 7 signs that you are in a ‘meaningful romance’ and not in a ‘meaningful relationship’

You Both Are Not On The Same Page Of Life:

I am not talking about the ‘pace’, here I am talking about ‘page’. Professionally, you might both be polar opposites; one of you may be more successful than the other; but, what about your personal lives? 

To be more precise, say one partner is running from pillar to post all alone to arrange money and other necessary resources in order to fix a personal crisis (e.g health). Meanwhile, the other partner is enjoying life with family and friends. Although that person is sending romantic texts frequently (probably out of guilt or just as a formality), would you call it a ‘meaningful relationship’?

Popular media always trying hard to feed us a myth and that is “opposite attracts each other”; whereas, the truth is “opposite never attracts each other”! For instance, if both of you fundamentally lives pole apart then nothing on this planet can bring you closer.

Under such circumstances, you should never indulge in such hallucinations; because, despite your best effort believe me, it is definitely a ‘meaningful romance’, since ‘meaningful relation’ implies ‘in sickness and in health’.

You Are Only Remembered Seasonally:

Yes, it’s another vital red flag. Never ignore the scenario when your partner only remembers you seasonally. It could be birthday, Valentine’s Day, anniversary (e.g. anniversary of your first meeting, the first hug, the first kiss, the first time you made love, etc.). On these occasions, both of you would see each other, exchange gifts, shower lots of affection and attention for some time, and once the season is over, you would find yourself all alone in your own world, and your partners would be busy in their lives. Well, if you are experiencing something like that then you are in a ‘meaningful romance’ since a ‘meaningful relationship’ is not a celebration of seasonal festivities.

You Are Not Prioritized:

I can remember one man who went to Sikkim to see the mesmerizing orchids blooming, while his wife was giving birth to their only child. Now, that man had two choices but he made the decision according to his priorities. I know, that was a slightly cruel example. However, think practically, as human beings, we have very limited abilities, we just can’t be at two places at the same time. Therefore, you should observe whether you get first priority in your partner’s life.

Does your partner manage to spend time with you on some ‘not so special occasions’ or does his or her schedule get in the way?

Basically, it’s very important to know how much you mean to your partner. If you are prioritized only according to your partner’s convenience then you are definitely in a ‘meaningful romance’, since a ‘meaningful relationship’ is never about one’s own convenience.

You Are Not 'Fulfilling' The Basic Conditions:

Yes! When your love is not unconditional then it’s romance. A common condition that I have heard is –“I love traveling and I am looking for someone who would travel with me”. It may sound weird but it’s true. However, my question is – “Would you choose your partner on the basis of ‘common hobbies’ or on the basis of ‘common values’?” Therefore, if you are listening to the same complaint constantly, that you could not fulfill the basic conditions, then you are in a ‘meaningful romance’.

You Prefer To Avoid Your Partner:

You are lonely, but despite that loneliness, you prefer avoiding your partner; because, in your life, now your partner’s presence is nothing but empty noise. You don’t enjoy his or her company the way you used to. Somehow you have realized you are nothing but an accessory for your partner. At that position, you can assure yourself that you are in a ‘meaningful romance’ and not in a ‘meaningful relationship’.

You Have Stopped Fighting For The Relationship:

We don’t fight to break our relationships, in fact, often we fight to save them. We shout because we want to be heard, we crave for minimum attention. However, when you stop fighting and slowly start praying for a ‘natural end’ to that relationship then finally, congratulations! This time you were in a ‘meaningful romance’ and not in a ‘meaningful relationship’. You have reached that point where you are desperately seeking an ‘amicable evaporation’ of the entire façade. Perhaps you are taking one of the most sensible decisions of your life and trust me, that decision would leave a very positive impact on your life.

I don’t know whether I missed something or not? I would love to hear your opinions too. If you feel you can relate to that article to some extent then I would recommend please like, comment, and share that article. Smiling Rainbow platform belongs to the LGBTQ community and my sincere urge to all of you please endorse the platform and give your valuable suggestions. 

We consider economical independence as an important target that every member of our community should achieve. Therefore, we are in the process of launching to another platform as Remote Owls. The purpose of that platform is creating freelancing opportunities for our community members. We will keep you posted regarding the progress of these two platforms.

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Why Men Open Fake Profiles on Lesbian Dating Sites?

fake-profile-on-dating-sites

There is a particular percentage of men who create fake profiles on lesbian dating apps, and, unfortunately, that percentage is growing rapidly. One particular lesbian dating site I heard of once (from my client) where administrators disallowed Indian, Pakistani, and Bangladeshi people to join the site as free subscribers. In that platform admin maintained regular and direct contact with subscribers and paid subscribers were getting pissed off because of that fake profiles menace and finally admin resolved that issue very by blocking the men from these three nations. Though that’s not a recent issue, that happened 12 years back. 

Recent study shows most of the Gen Z have stopped using these dating sites. However, the question remains about why so many men open these fake profiles, and these are a few reasons I found:

1. Ignorance About Rules of Dating Sites:

The cruel reality of human civilization is this: it’s not just the enlightened, even the ignorant come in various shapes and sizes. And in this case, the ignorance is about how to fill up self-introductory forms required by dating sites. Many men don’t even follow the basic rules.

Here, the ignorant are mostly middle-aged men looking for a thrill online, and perhaps don’t have basic knowledge about the English language. Personally, I am ready to forgive them, and I often do. 

Then there are the young and educated who still making the same mistakes because have not bothered to pay attention to the details they are providing. They don’t want to waste time on the introduction procedure. I don’t know how to forgive these men, however, I can’t do anything else except avoid them. Though I do wonder what kind of attention they expect from others when they can’t even be attentive towards themselves.

Apart from these two types, there is a third type of Ignorant Man who is not aware of homosexuality. As a direct consequence, he ends up at different dating sites for that life changing auspicious ‘alien encounter’.

2. Arrogance About Sexual Orientation:

Arrogance is directly proportionate to our belief system. Now put that entire perception in the following manner:

“We know there is something called ‘lesbian’ but we don’t believe it. After all, two girls—what would they do with each other? Therefore, they are not lesbians, they are just typical heterosexuals in search of real men.”

Well! The definition of ‘real men’ could vary from ‘man’ to ‘man’. In my personal opinion, a ‘real man’ could be a ‘man who is physically strong’, a ‘man who is good in bed’, a ‘man who is economically successful’, a ‘man who has a soft feminine heart’, and so on.

The arrogant men making these fake profiles think that “a woman only claims to be a lesbian because she has not found the perfect man (like me) and now it’s my responsibility to match the shoe with the foot”.

3. Social Responsibilities Towards Queer Community:

This breed is made of self-proclaimed SAMAJ SUDHARAK (Social Reformer) and they actually believe their relentless effort can change a person’s sexual orientation. That’s why they pursue lesbian women. Initially, they are enormously persistent in their efforts to befriend with a lesbian woman. Then, what they do is an attempt at ‘reforming sexual orientation’. I came to know dozens of such men, from various professions, who claimed to have experienced for themselves ways in which homosexuals are becoming heterosexuals under ‘proper guidance’.

“What kind of future a girl can have with another girl? What would they do together? Can they have kids. Will society accept them? It’s against our religion and our culture as well. Therefore, in the best interest of humanity, they should convert. If everyone becomes homosexual then who would procreate and what will be our future as a species? As a species are we going to extinct for a mere mental health issue? Don’t you think that’s totally unacceptable?”

The above is actually the words of the IIT Alumni (happily married with two kids) who was pretty persistent in his job to convince me to give him the contacts of a few lesbian women for his evangelical mission. He was pretty confident that under his heavenly “guidance” these women will be “cured” forever. That’s altogether a separate experience better I should share some other day.

4. Directionless Sexual Fantasies:

There is a fourth type of man who is extremely clever but pretty predictable for me. Generally, they introduced themselves as “gay, outgoing, generous, and in search of ‘like-minded’ women only”. I have never seen any ‘lesbians who are outgoing and generous, still scouting dating sites for like-minded men”. In fact, it’s pretty much the opposite; many lesbian users mention on their profiles that they don’t wish to be disturbed by men (though it does not minimize their ordeal).

This fourth type, after initiating conversation, apparently change their sexual orientation and claim to be ‘open-minded bisexuals’. Now what? They might come up with any kind of permutation and combination from a list of their fantasies, and, if you are their friend, it’s your responsibility to become their ‘Santa’ as well, isn’t it? These type of men have a very unique kind of audacity and unfortunately they are simply increasing. 

5. Meaningless Homophobia:

Homophobic men are pretty straightforward, abusive, and as transparent as plus 200 and minus 200 (use your imagination) bi-focal glass. They open their fake accounts because they are lonely, desperately seeking the company of the opposite sex, but have failed miserably to impress any girl so far. And for them, it is the lesbians who are giving them such tough competition. Therefore, as an act of revenge, they open fake accounts and abuse lesbians in and every way possible.

These are the five reasons that I have identified so far. If you can find more than these five reasons, let’s get discussing! You can also promote the Smiling Rainbow platform in every way possible, such as, like, share, comment on every social media site. The purpose of this platform is providing affordable mental health therapy to the LGBTQ community members. Apart from that, it also arrange exciting and safe meetup events for the LGBTQ community members.

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How to Arrange Online Events for the Closeted LGBTQ Members?

Online Events for LGBTQ

How to arrange safe online events for the LGBTQ community. That question strikes my mind when one of my clients asked me the same question. Actually, she was a closeted lesbian in a very prominent social position. Despite that, she wanted to be in a society where she would be comfortable in herself. Yes, socialization is a very basic need, and that need should not be avoided. Since mental health-related issues are rampant among the LGBTQ community, and, I have noticed loneliness is one of the basic reasons behind that. I have created a group on Facebook to provide free counseling sessions to queer people.

So far, a large number of the community members are closeted individuals who are not prepared to come out yet, fearing it might put their lives and livelihood in jeopardy. Though I am not surprised about their life choice. However, when a few persons asked me to act as a matchmaker. Initially, I was annoyed, because that was not my objective; but, I couldn’t deny the fact that it is also a part of our basic needs. And if loneliness is the reason behind their depression, then I believe any amount of counseling would not change things even a bit.

1. Begin With Online Meetup Events:

Initially, I advised people to join various social events organized by prominent LGBTQ NGOs. I had this idea that the best place to interact with someone from the community (even get hitched) would be at one of these events. However, this was a problem for closeted members of the community. Visiting any widely publicized public event can harm their personal and professional lives because of the same rampant homophobia I mentioned earlier. Meanwhile, everyone of us have every right to be around like-minded people.

Instead of the in-person meetups, we will start our ice-breaking sessions via online  events. The specialty of these meetup events would be the right to anonymity. Therefore, when applying for these events on our site then you can hide your real identities. You can use our platform, without compromising your privacy. 

These events are designed to know each other in the safest environment. Let’s break the ice first. Meet people you want to be with and then decide the next course of action. From here you can move to your private chat section and let’s proceed further.

2. Freedom To Anonymity During Online Events:

It is difficult to accumulate the necessary courage you need to fight against a social menace like homophobia. Throughout human history, the eradication of social taboos has always remained a gradual process. Therefore, the entire LGBTQ community cannot just surface in public one fine morning and expect a rainbow colored society. It will take many more years and relevant support from society.

Yes, you can hide your real identity during these online events. You can choose to participate in multiple online events. You will be encouraged to not disclose sensitive personal information to a stranger instantly online. It should be a slow process of knowing each other first. Sharing personal photos in compromising positions is a strict no-no. In fact, I believe that should not be done at any stage of the relationship because these images can serve as a boomerang if a relationship falls apart.

3. Indoor Events and Outdoor Activities:

Since we are inherently social animals, a sense of community is another basic need for all of us. LGBTQ people ought to have a community space where they don’t have to pretend to be something juxtaposed with their original character. 

Organizing regular indoor meetup sessions and outdoor activities could be great ways for socializing and arranging such events regularly can become great stress-busters for us! We will be arranging both indoor meetups and outdoor activities.

4. Rules for Participation in In-person Events:

Only the registered person would get the details of the event via emails and private chat. Registered group members would not be allowed to bring any unregistered person as companions with them since it can cause discomfort to others. 

Unlike other organized activities, whether indoor or not, displaying indicative banners or promotional materials might grab unwanted curiosity towards the event. We understand this is something a queer person wants to stay away from. Therefore, we would not use any such indicative banners.  Apart from that, the photographs of these events would not get published on any of our social media platforms or on our websites. 

5. Sexual Orientation Is Not Written On Anyone’s Face:

At the end of the day, the truth is this: A person’s sexual orientation is not written on their forehead. Therefore, after all these precautions it would be extremely difficult for someone to exploit any LGBTQ person and blackmail them or others around them. 

Above all, we should have faith in an individual’s own common sense and not ignore their own intuition about another person. Despite all possible challenges, a genuine meetup platform for LGBTQ community members is absolutely inevitable.

Many community members I interacted with asked me how to ensure the confidentiality of closeted group members? “What if someone sneaks into the group,” they wanted to know, “and start blackmailing other group members?” After careful consideration of every possible aspect, I could not deny the need for authentic online events especially dedicated exclusively to closeted LGBTQ community members. There need to be a code of conduct—or golden rules—for developing online events. In Smiling Rainbow, we will be following all those golden rules of the LGBTQ online events. 

That is why we have created that platform for the member of LGBTQ community. Our initiative is intended for you and only your participation can make it a success. Hence, my request to you all is to please like, share, and comment on our content on every social media platform, and, spread our initiative among your personal network.